D'Lucky Cat

Its been a while since I wanted to post in here.
Almost three months since I lost Ace and I have come a long way.
I have been through some immense low points.  At first I couldnt even look at his stall or be in the barn unless I had a cat to hide behind. Luckily for me the barn cats there want to be picked up and snuggled with so hiding behind a cat was not hard to do.
Friday nights were awful as I sobbed at home after work.
I cleaned his tack outside one day and sobbed the entire way through it. Birds flew by in a massive flock in the big blue sky and I just watched them. Fall came fast once Ace left.
His ashes came home and I took half to a favourite spot on a favourite trail ride at CBS and laid them there. The other half went to his first home with Jen to be laid under his apple tree and I have some in a necklace that I never take off.

And then one day I decided that I couldnt continue being horse less and after a message and a call we were on our way to Quizpamsis NB in the first pickup truck I have ever driven towing the first trailer in something like 15 years. 4 hours of highway driving with a decent playlist and two good friends and my oldest, Chloe.
We met D'Lucky Cat or Ducky that night at Dans place and I fell a tiny bit in love.
The next day I rode him and fell a tiny bit more and home he came on trial.

Hes with me now on a 6 month lease and every day we get to know each other a little more. Hes a 10 year old Thoroughbred chestnut gelding who once won a race and can canter more slowly than a horse I have ever ridden.
Hes got a floating trot and a great response to aids and I am trying ever so hard to just enjoy him with out feeling a pang of pain and a touch of guilt.
Who knows where this may go for us....

Forever in August

So this is hard to write.
As per the last few years, August has been mine and Aces riding time. We hack in fields that shimmer where the sound of the grass and the crickets is all I focus on as its so wonderful.
Last week on Thursday Sept 5th we unknowingly went for our very last ride together. It was an August ride but it was also work for us both in anticipation of the upcoming final show.
On the Friday I didn't ride but we went for grazing and hugs, I put his stuff safely away as a hurricane was forecast, kissed him goodbye and told him to stay safe.

Saturday morning he was sick enough to call the vet. Sunday morning after the hurricane the vet came again and again on Monday. Monday night we took him to the AVC in PEI where we talked about scary stuff that "could" happen. We left him there in their care.
Through the week he gave mixed signals, even incredibly positive ones. I really thought he would come home at the weekend.
Friday he went downhill and we threw everything at him care-wise. Friday night he continued downhill.
Saturday morning we euthanized him and I was there at the end with him, sharing all my words.

I now know he had, and would have died that day of colitis and he was in great pain at the end. He had been receiving pain relief but in the words of the vet that did the necropsy "his damage was so great inside that I am amazed he was standing".

We still don't know what caused the colitis. We may never know due to circumstance and the antibiotics that were administered so swiftly, that he needed. 50% of colitis cases never have a cause determined.
I now know more about a subject matter that I had never heard of and had no desire to learn about until a week ago.

I am heartbroken.
I am angry.
I am horrified that he suffered at all.
I am sad he wasn't home in the last week of his life.
I cannot believe he has gone.

I have to find away to understand the reason for this.
We, together, will be forever in August.

 Us taken three weeks ago

Our last ride

the end of August

Its the end of summer and it feels like it. July is so the beginning of my most favourite season - with all the heat and humidity and beach, lake and pool days. There is rarely any respite at the end of the day and the nights are complete with open windows and the ceiling fan going as we go to sleep in a 30C room. I love it.

August marks a change. The dawn is darker and the nights get cool. The evenings are noisy with the sound of the crickets and all my afternoon hacks with Ace are heralded by the crickets and the grass blowing in the still hot daytime breeze.

I can feel summer slipping away and as usual I almost welcome it. Ahead is Fall with all its beautiful colours, corn, Thanksgiving, Halloween, pumpkin spiced everything. Starbucks is clearly feeling it too as they released their Pumpkin Spiced Latte just this morning.

The pool ended for the season, much to all the sadness of the staff. I found this awesome photo of it in 1972 (top left).  This year the deck was painted and the colourful signs made it feel like a little tropical oasis in our community.

 We went on a sunset filled dog walk

This rock was left on our driveway with instructions to keep or rehide. We re-hid it for someone else to enjoy.

My tomato and cucumber plants are starting to bear goodies

Chloe and Paul going for a run

England in June

So we went to England as a family and it solved a whole ton of thoughts and "things"
Firstly both the girls were not excited to get on the flight there, as it was a night flight, over the ocean and they werent arriving at MCO. Cue meltdown by Lily 2 hours in as she fought a desperate desire to go home, not be on the plane, feeling sick. It was the exact same as it had been on I95 in the middle of the night almost a year prior to this trip. Only this time, she couldnt get out.
I thought that had been bad, this was worse and I felt awful for her. Westjet staff rocked as they tried to help and eventually she fell asleep.
Ace and I had been at a horse show all day, in fact I left him there to be brought home by friends, so I had planned a glass of wine followed by a nap on the plane. Neither happened.

Chloe had her own perceived turbulence issues, so no one enjoyed the ride, so to speak.

On arriving in London Gatwick, the girls were massively unimpressed by the rudeness of people and we arrived at Angies tired and feeling somewhat culture shocked.

In a nut shell it was as usual in following: driving, grocery costs, eating out. Loved all that. We had a little Yaris hybrid that sucked compare to the Ioniq frankly but got us around ok.
We went to a couple of amazing lunches in a beautiful barn conversion on a golf course with lots of rabbits everywhere, so cute. Saw nannys house again and and Lily and I walked down the concrete strips and I reminisced about life there as a child and she listened. We saw the changing of the guard at Buckingham palace and trailed 8 miles around some of Londons sights, ending at Borough Market which was pretty cool but by then we were too tired and foot sore to appreciate it.

The weather was hot! Although it cooled down at night. And it was what I can only describe as a sharp heat. No hot steamy soft heat that I love in NS. It was strip your skin, no ozone layer about, bright light heat.

I had almost a whole day with my good friend Karen in Tunbridge where we indulged in White Stuff and had a lovely lunch. It was like old times. It was so very hard to leave her.

We saw dad and auntie Sue who made us delicious cream teas which we ate in her beautiful garden. We ate out with Pauls dad and had a great family BBQ.

 My brother and Claudia <3

The Howe family BBQ

 Dad at Auntie Sues

Dad and the girls at Auntie Sues

An Auntie Sue cream tea

Met some of my oldest besties at a pub garden and took the girls to the Crawley Mall. As usual Paul hated it there and so did the girls so we left there fast.
I got to spend most of a whole day with my brother and his most lovely girlfriend who I adore.
I had a lovely 2 zen-like hours on a Sunday morning talking horses with one of my oldest horse buddies. I miss Jane tremendously.
Chloe hung out most days with her oldest BFF.

But...all in all we were pleased to go home again. The girls are not British anymore and missed their NS home.  I chilled a whole lot more and spent more time than usual but it was still one of those squeeze everyone in trips, as much as you can.

 At the Oak Barn Restaurant in Burgess Hill - highly recommended

One of our evening walks in Horley

England - our green and pleasant land 

Bahama Bay dreaming

Its been a long time since we were last soaking up the heat in Florida. I know this because of how much I think obsess about being there. I pretty much know that as soon as we land in MCO and go through the habitual rental car pick-up, complete with the usual side of order of ChikFilet that I will be in heaven.
Landing in Florida and picking up rental cars is as ingrained in our makeup (both as just the two of us, later with babies and toddlers and now with the girls as they are) and hasnt deviated. It is both tiring and frustrating and necessary. It also is right at the start of being in our favourite place, making it hard to beat. Its hard not to love that first drive out of the parkade in your rental right at the start of the week. Its hard not to feel joy as we join the afternoon traffic on the well known route to Bahama Bay (I have no clue of the route by the way, but Paul can recite it anytime)

Right now I am wishing it was soon. I want to be there so badly I could sob.

Outside its 27C, finally. Its been a long cold wet Spring and we are all tired of that. And now summer is here in dazzling heat and humidity and there was no space in between for the required Spring cleaning of our dusty house from pets and wood fires. I need to get on it.

I also have a show prep ride tomorrow and a musical ride prep ride on Sunday and packing for next weeks Monday to Wednesday trip down to NH for work (no complaints there, truly!) followed swiftly by a horse show next Saturday. Roll on June.

I am going back to my Don Henley music and Bahama Bay day-dreaming!

A May update

Its been a little crazy of late and I havent been able to update so here are some of the highlights of May:

Ace:
Ace and I attended the first CNHP show of the season and mentally I was in a great place. Ace was, as usual an awesome partner at a show and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I managed to block out everything in my head but him, the sound of his footfall, his breathing and mine combined, the course and my coaches words and we absolutely NAILED our hunter over fences courses. It was smooth and flowing and he was great and off the forehand (first time ever). The stretch up to the final diagonal line and oxer was so long that we were able to have an entire conversation - I was saying "here it comes, our last one" and he listened and jumped it, perfectly.
No speeding up, no run outs, no refusals, no silly crap, just all round perfect.

On the Sunday I saw the Lancers horses arrive and Ace, with his spotless tack, shiny coat and glittery browband fit right in with them. He was, as I said at the time "with his people". It was a weekend to remember.

The Cat3:
On Lilys birthday we went down to spend her birthday vouchers on ridiculously expensive markers in Michaels that are the current big deal, gotta have item. On the way home I was online perusing Facebook and came across the posting from PetValu about the SPCA adoption day that they had had. The last kitten was remaining who had not found his fur-ever home. Against all better judgement we went to look.
"Flounder" was sleeping off an exhausting day but we got to hold him anyway and the whole family, sans Chloe, fell in love. Lily especially.
We went to A&W for the planned burgers and debated about how ridiculous it was to add to our fur-family given the costs of pet insurance and general vet costs, led by Chloe in her full-on "got to be sensible" rant. Lily said little as usual but I know her and she was broken hearted. She requested that I told her when he was adopted so that she knew. We went home and Paul went back with the cat basket, whilst I walked the dogs in the downpour and questioned our sanity.

He brought back Flounder who was renamed Milo and so we became the #Cat3 (after the key West blogger I follow who has the #Cat5, in the spirit of hurricanes). Lily was the closest to breaking down that I have ever seen. Hes a cuddle-bug like Misty was, and also way too confident for his own good. For me, I have some heart-stopping moments when he "pulls a Misty" at 3am with his requests for cuddles or when he climbs on my shoulder in the same way. I had forgotten what its like to have a cat like this.

The reset button

The last two Sundays have seen me and the dogs adventuring for our morning walk in pastures new.
I decided to start walking in new neighbourhoods, along new roads, in new subdivisions, with the dogs on-leash, anywhere thats within a 15 minute drive.

Its been very therapeutic.

The dogs dont pull for one. They wait until I let them out and then walk pretty nicely actually for dogs in a new place.

I arrive with all my weekly "issues" and then by the time I get back to the car, all seems to be resolved with me.
I am at one with the world, my particular life and most importantly grateful.
I am grateful for my job, my family, my spot on the planet, the animals in our home, the horse in the barn, my riding, my friends, the view, the bird song, the weather (whatever its like), my past, my present, my plans....

I reset to notice everything around me. The birdsong, the sound of the woodpeckers, the breeze, the homes, the view, the trees, the smells, the sound of water, the gravel under my feet...

I get back in the car and arrive home to make Sunday brunch of bacon, eggs, homefries and fruit.
Its all good.

Easter 2019

Its been the weirdest and strangely most awesome Easter ever.
Firstly we had Easter Sunday on Good Friday. This was necessary since our friend Steve was working on the Sunday and we all wanted dinner together. A tiny (teeny tiny) part of me battled momentarily with the notion of "supposed to be having fish on Friday" and then it was gone. I dont allow myself to be governed by Catholic rules on a daily basis so why start now? And if He really does exist then surely He would understand anyway, purely due to the concept of eating together. And besides, I am yet to be convinced that Catholic rules are any more important  than any other faith.

So, we had Sunday dinner on Friday and it rocked, by far the most delicious I have had in a very long time.

Following dinner the teen and tweenage contingent moved in and the house was turned into an epic "all nighter" for Chloes birthday. We went to bed, they made a noise, and ate....

Saturday morning found me at the barn at 8.30am as I had calculated that due to the "all nighter" that actually likely meant they crashed by 4am, I safely had until about 11am until they rose and shone and went looking for breakfast. I had big plans for Chloes birthday breakfast that included bacon, eggs, homefries and cinammon rolls and wanted to be home. But I also wanted to ride, so 8.30am it was.

It was quiet in the barn and I had a lovely ride. Its a weird place, the barn.... I can drive there feeling exhausted and as I turn into the drive I am overcome with a new energy just to be there...

Breakfast went as planned and the friends left which meant we were headed for the mall so that Chloe could hit her favourite stores to support, yet again, the notion of "easy come, easy go" Two hours later and we had jeans and bath and body works soap and tops and shorts and a good time.

Sunday was chilled, the girls had Easter baskets, I walked the dogs in a new neighbourhood to shake it up a bit for us all and saw Ace for an afternoon fix. We then had pizza for supper which is an absolute first for Easter Sunday.

Tomorrow I am back to work and frankly, three day weekends should really be the new rule.. or would it remove the magic?

at the end of 21DFX

Still doing it. I am still rising with the dawn (and it really is dawn light now as we travel towards summer - except for that 25cm of snow we had last week! - reasonably quickly)
I am now at the end of 21DFX which is 21 Day fix Extreme which I loathed so much when it was first introduced to me and now rather love.
I am now consistently down below another line on the scales and staying down, although I still have at least 20 pounds to go. Non scale victories are the return of my abs and a reduction in under arm additional me, thats leaving :-)
I get up without fail at 5.15am every day except Sunday and kick my own butt in my workout. I still feel accomplished and am pleased, I dont love it particularly but I cant imagine not doing it now, like I couldnt go to work without cleaning my teeth (or bed for that matter).

I can now run the flights of stairs at work and sometimes not feel the burn. I can do 6 burpees now and about 5 very pathetic push ups. The rest I am winning at more.
I still hate burpees and hate push ups.

Last week hubs finally had his gall bladder removed. This was after 5 days of continuous pain that started with a scope and a trip to emerg. It ended in another hospital, on an IV and  with a distinctly yellow hue. Hes now healing from an apparently tricky gall bladder removal. I, after spending time at the hospital, am now back at work and also doing all laundry, walking dogs, cleaning cat litter, making meals, cleaning the house, bringing wood around, making the fire and cleaning snow from the driveway. I have also now had the tires changed on two cars (yes I am keen that its the end of winter, it HAS to be!)

Its been tough. I had no idea how much he did until now.

Vacation -wise : The Westjet app on my phone has a veru handy countdown feature that I rather love telling us the number of days until England and Orlando. I look at it daily.

So... I think I will do another round of 21DFX and see where it takes me... I have a number of clothes I want to wear again....

restaurants dreaming

Is it too soon to be googling restaurants in Marathon?
I still have MONTHS to wait.
meh

20 years

This time 20 years ago I was looking forward to moving back into my flat, staying at my dads place for a couple of months and listening to Lenny Kravitz "fly away" every time I was in the car. Spring was springing in the UK and I was in countdown mode to my very first Florida trip.

I was feeling very free. For the first time since I was 15 I was young, free and single. Enjoying a good job and doing stuff like eating grapes in bed in the morning, just because. The notion of choosing my own options at the weekend without any discussion with a significant other was new and a real treat.
I have strong memories of that first Florida trip that I documented here in my 1999 trip to Florida

This year marks 20 years of that year. Both Lily and I especially have struggled with not being in Florida this year and I searched the calendar and Expedia for options to go at some point at the end of the year. The want to be back in the Keys especially for me is a daily thought. The girls want Bahama Bay, which given that they learnt to swim in the hot tub there, doesnt surprise me.
Thankfully due to early bird cheap deals and Airmiles reward miles I have found a way and booked a trip for us all towards the end of this year, this 20th anniversary year for me. So now, I am back in a countdown mode of sorts.

 I cant wait to see these views again

 Eat here again

Run here again at dawn

Between now and then we have the girls birthdays, our early summer trip to the UK to see family, summer time in Nova Scotia and Halloween. All good times to "get through".

The commencement of my 44th year

This March we hit (as we do each and every year now) two key dates - my birthday and our Canniversary.
I am now 44 years old and ever aware of it. Our Canniversary this year is for 8 years in Nova Scotia.

To "celebrate" this 44th year I decided to do some research on how to be more active and therefore more healthy. I have extensive plans for us when we retire and those plans require us to be fit and healthy. Hubs has taken this on with much energy and is seeing real results with his personal trainer. I, on the other hand, needed something else.

I needed a workout option that didn't steal time from my other activities or "chances of activity". I used to do my workouts at 8pm and for a while that worked until I started occasionally to ride in the evening, or want to walk the dogs at that time, or we went out, or had friends round, or I didn't sleep properly the night before, or I was exhausted or it was Monday, or Friday.

So the 8pm thing wasnt really working for me and I fell off the wagon, constantly.

Someone in my workout group answered my post asking how others scheduled in their workouts with a comment that went "I get up at 5am and look forward to my workout then".
Look forward to.....

Who looks forward to that at 5am????

I decided, on further inspection, that 5.15am wasnt that much earlier than the 5.45am I was often waking up at. I decided to commit to 3 weeks of 5.15am and follow the 21 Day Fix, religiously.

So we are almost 3 weeks in and its working for me. My alarm goes off with a rousing melody at 5.15am, I gather my thoughts and then my "organized the night before" workout gear and down I go.
And I look forward to it. Every day, even the weekend.

The sense of accomplishment is real and there are days when I ride the horse and walk the dogs too. Those days are increasing as the temps go up, so I am really starting to move alot and I can feel it. I can now run up the three flights of stairs at work, complete with purse, coat and laptop bag, without losing my breath. Yes, the burn is still there in my legs but at least I can do it. Maybe the burn will fade... I cant wait to find out.

The downside is that I am in bed falling asleep at 9.30pm but thats ok too.... it means I am not snacking or thinking about snacking or arguing with myself about snacking. Its a true "dinner and done" feat every night.
And I can sit, after dinner, without guilt and just watch Netflix. The guiltfree-ness of it all is tremendous.

So, whats next? On Monday we start the next round, this is 21DF extreme. Finally my annual online subscription to Beachbody is paying off and being used. Bring it!

Morning light

I am a fan of early mornings. This of course has a downside, meaning I am typically asleep or at least napping at 10.30pm on any given day, even the weekend, but the magic of the early morning never escapes me.
It started when I had babies, who of course woke me at the crack of dawn and morphed into a way to study when they were small, when I would get up at 5am, creep downstairs, makes a silent cup of Roiboos tea ( I MUST get more of that) and get at least one question under my belt before the house woke up and then work called.
I used to also walk up and down the garden path on those summer study mornings looking for a Virgin Atlantic flight coming into land that you could see, pretty much, from wherever you lived in Horley.

My babies of course grew into toddles, children and now teens, and the exams are long gone (thank goodness!) but the early morning lark has remained. I loved that time to myself when they were little and now I just love it.

As the winter is moving along to Spring, now its dawn when I wake, and I find the light at that time of day (along with twilight light) has a magical quality. I find myself wondering around looking out of all the windows as the the light grows stronger.

Dawn breaking over our back garden:

The pink sky I adore from our front windows

The early morning golden light starts to come through the blinds

Light on snow, 8am on a drive into work

The brightness of the day on a non stormy Saturday winters morning