a dawning

I am finally good with being 38. Finally it doesnt feel like the end of the line, like the big 40 is when the doors slam shut and its "game over"

Its all due to, as part of my post op recovery TV watching fest, the discovery of "The Big C". I know I am very much behind the rest of the world here and thank God for Netflix as I have sped through Season 1 in two days and am now on Season 2

For some reason, I have suddenly realized through watching this that actually this is a great time of my life, I can enjoy everything that we have built and saved for and made decisions over and as a result is my life.

This house, these children, this career, this life. Its all a direct result of decisions made and some luck, good and bad. Its a result of following a dream, a decision, a plan.

The best years of my life were not actually when I was in my 20s, living with all the freedom of a fairly decent salary, loads of free time, a horse, a good job and my own place. When I clubbed Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, discovered smirnoff ice and never saw drugs, I was lucky there, I know that now.

They were good years too, it was all ahead - meeting the right guy, getting married, having babies, getting a house and then a bigger house, dreaming of emigration. And all the time building a career, partying hard, show jumping, driving horses around the SE of England and walking courses that included big jumps that I then jumped on decent, willing, talented horses.

All those horses that I was so honored to know, to ride, to feel the tremendous partnership that can be had when it all goes well. All that effort training for the next show, all those winter evenings making the perfect shavings bed, or straw bed, I never did decide which I really preferred. And all those summer evenings riding late into the dusk, turning the horses out to roll in the fields at night, feeling the warmth of the day and the horse smell of sweat.

I did all that, I had all that. And now I have new things to enjoy. This house, this country, these children, this career that has grown and grown. I no longer have marriage and babies to look forward to. I have done that. I now have two children, two wonderful, amazing children that I am so proud of, that I find myself watching as they go about their life, I do this in some kind of wonder at how incredible they are.
I am not old and past it, its not game over in 2 years, This is a good time of my life, this is a good time to enjoy.

post op life

Its official, I am a definate wimp when it comes to blood and wounds. I am on day 3 post op of having my gall bladder removed and frankly it sucks.
I did not anticipate the four holes in my stomach and they make me want to vomit. They also hurt. Today I need to change the dressings, I am not sure I can, it makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it.

And I cant do much of anything, except watch TV from the 4 pillows arranged on the couch in the family room, oh and listen to the rain. Its raining a lot, I dont mind as I cant go out and I like the sound.

I have watch SO many episodes of Love It or List It and Property Brothers that I feel like a design Pro. I have also discovered The Big C, thankyou Netflix! I can now watch the whole season in one day.

And I am starving, it seems. I wanted an A&W Uncle Burger on the first day, badly. I was told - No way Jose!
Thank goodness I have a responsible family and I cant drive myself to the drive through.

Yesterday I managed a shower, wrapped in saran wrap, it was blissful. I loved it. I normally get in two showers a day, so two days without a shower was like hell for me. And I looked like hell too, if I am honest.

So, here is Day 3. Its also the Canada Day weekend, I am yet again in my PJs staring at the TV and listening to the rain. I feel like I will never be able to walk upright again, or run like ever, or go to boot camp. My stomach muscles are a closed shop.....

mums visit update

Oh we have been so many places in the last couple of weekends that I feel a little like I have driven all over Nova Scotia.
We went to the South Shore to the Rope Loft in Chester and had THE best coconut shrimp north of the Florida Keys.
We went to Melmerby Beach where it was beautiful and the sea was calm and clear (as usual), its my favourite beach in Nova Scotia.

We went down to Seaforth on the Eastern Shore and visited the Hope for Wildlife Place, mum watches them on TV in Germany so it was awesome for her to actually be there.

As I am British, I feel like writing 'Eh"! right after I write the word "Awesome", I think its because that word is still a little alien to me, although it is shall we say - great in its many uses!

The pool was fixed by Paul and some great friends and we are now enjoying it as the heat is absolutley back! So the world is now complete.

We went on a date night with our best friends to the Halifax Feast, that was absolutely hilarious

Today is mums second to last full day in Nova Scotia, and I have to go into work.....

Peggs Cove visit and boot camp

Last night I finally pushed the exercise up a step and went to boot camp. Its was good, it was painful. Today I hurt everywhere. I cant wait for Sunday, to go again.
We ran up and down the bleachers at the ice rink, we did push ups and dips and squats and jumps up the bleachers, a couple of times I thought I might throw up, it was amazing.

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day anyway, despite the miserable weather. I mean what is WITH this weather. This June sucks, May sucked too. Its damp and wet and all round horrible. We lit the fire just to get rid of the damp feeling. I am SO tired of it. Where is Summer?

Anyway, enough of that. Mum and I went to Peggys Cove yesterday. I haven't been there for almost 2 years. Its so lovely and serene although it was pretty packed despite the weather with loads of tourists. We had a very nice time and poked around the shops and then stopped and gazed out to sea at the Swiss Air Memorial. That spot always gets to me.

On the way home we stopped and had fish and chips, it was mums first fish and chips for 14 years, and she came to the BEST place for it - Nova Scotia!

The little things

The small stuff rocks my world -
Clothes from my new favourite stores - BP, Gap, Old Navy. I realize that I am essentially buying everything from the same company but I like their stuff. I have just discovered Hollister too and got a fabulous t-shirt from there a couple of weeks ago - thank you to #1 Father in Law for that!

Running - whether its in the Sportsplex where I can be zoned out and running to some random beat in my ears and with my head in some far off world, or its outside with Dukie in the neighbourhood at the crack of dawn. Its my favourite way to start the day.

Walking - anywhere, especially in this here Canada, I flat out love it.

Working on spreadsheets - call me boring but thats my bag baby.

Fruit and salad and fish and healthy stuff - sometimes I eat A&W and I love it at the time but I feel HORRIBLE afterwards. The same can be said for Chinese - gah I feel awful after that stuff
Fried eggs are also OUT, cant stand the grease.
Bring on black beans, sweet potatoes, salad, blueberries, raspberries and mango - lots of mango!

Vacations - its what I want to spend money on and being so close to the States is awesome. Florida will always have my heart but its a big old country and it is calling me!

I have decided that maybe I am now officially stuck in my ways and I am good with that.

the small never done essentials list

I am so behind.
I need new glasses, I need an eye test, its been over two years since I last had one back in England, my eyeshadow and mascara need replacing, I need to get my eyebrows shaped, I need to update my experience on CMA and CIMA portals....
I need to order Ikea bookshelves and an Ikea rug..
I need to plant tomatoes and lettuce and strawberries and weed the damn garden. I have all these plans to be self sufficient in the tomato, lettuce and strawberry dept. All we seem to have around in the beds are dandelions, apparently they can go in salad. I cant see that frankly.

I just cant get my shit together to get it all done.

Also - I don't want to go down the new glasses road yet as that requires spending some probable serious money and I need to research my options first in case theres a deal somewhere to be had, and also then I need to pick frames and apparently different shaped frames suit different shaped faces but I don't know what suits me, I don't even know what shape face I have. All I do know is that every now and then its looking too fat for my liking!

And I have been wearing glasses for ages and never yet bought frames that I actually like. How is that even possible? So its too much stress right now frankly.

I am also waiting for the ominous CIMA or CMA email or worse, letter, stating that if I don't update my CPD I am in trouble, that would throw me into a stress!

I need a couple of weeks off work just to sort all these small details out that are threatening to become big issues.... as if that's possible.....

On a plus point - mum arrives for 3 weeks on Thursday so now we have just tonight and tomorrow night to clean up her room and bathroom..

hot weekend

I am very behind with blogging, its been so busy with visitors and then I had a full on weekend. It was mega hot too, too hot in fact. The whole house sort of ground to a halt.
On Friday it was the audit dinner down at the Keg in Halifax which was great. I was a little apprehensive to be with my old team in case I fell apart emotionally but it was ok.
Freaked out a little on the way home when the cab driver pulled to the side of the road at 1am in the dark nowhere in Dartmouth as "there was something wrong with the transmission". After 15 minutes of me talking in a crazy angry way to the idiot at the cab firm who knew nothing of the incident and wasnt in the slightest bit bothered, I was back on my way. Note to self and anyone else - stick with Woods Limousine Hire, not only are they reasonably priced (cheaper than the rest) there isnt a moment where you have doubts about getting home alive.

Saturday we hung out, I picked up my car in Sackville, did some chores around the house (in slow motion as it was over 30C) and then we went out in the eve for a BBQ. This was great fun and got us home at 12.30am. 2nd night in a row for me for being in bed past midnight... so when Sunday found me with Ruby on Martinique Beach and rather a cool breeze I might add (we left 30C and went into probably 16C) but it was very warm when you lay on the sand, the sound of the waves and the whole relaxing ambience found me asleep. We then had fish and chips at a locals haunt and a Margarita icecream, Mousse on the Loose for Ruby and came home. For us both it was a day without children, all to ourselves, it was bliss. For me, it was one whole weekend where I pretty much just had fun, very little else featured except heat. It was in a word - awesome!

Yesterday I went back into work and moved offices. I am now in a much bigger one with a window. Its a small window admittedly but it is one. I can now see the sun and hear the rain and even open it should I wish to. I feel much happier.